


Never Alone

by SinfulAngel214



Category: August: Osage County (2013)
Genre: Cancer, Cousin Incest, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Drama, Family Secrets, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-11 00:45:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinfulAngel214/pseuds/SinfulAngel214
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Upon discovering that Ivy has cervical cancer, Charles promises that she doesn't have to go through it along, that he will always be there for her. Little do they know that this battle with cancer will be the easy part, and that a dark family secret will one day threaten to tear them apart at the seams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

Ivy Weston wasn’t much of a drinker, and she could count on one hand how many times she’d really gotten drunk. Considering how dysfunctional her entire family was, it was a shock that she didn’t drink more.

Last night… last night she’d gotten as drunk as she’d ever been in her life and was dealing with the world’s worst hangover. But who could blame her after the Earth shattering news she received from her doctor earlier that day?

She’d expected it would be bad, her annual a few days earlier coming back as abnormal, resulting in her doctor wanting her to come in the very day he called her. The mere thought that something was abnormal made her ill, the possibilities an endless nightmare. It could be something as simple and annoying as an infection, or it could be something far worse. Cancer had come to her mind, obviously, and she remembered how her heart had raced whenever the phone rang in the days following her biopsy.

What if it was cancer?

Her mother had mouth cancer and now she was addicted to pain pills while undergoing chemotherapy. Though Violet had always been a holy terror, she’d gotten so much worse since that diagnose a while back. She had never even expressed her gratitude that Ivy had put in so much of her personal time and finances into helping out! Her father hadn’t thanked her either! It was like she was expected to put her life on hold to take care of her angry, selfish mother and her biting comments along with her alcoholic father.

And did any of her sisters or other family members come by to help or even call to offer to help?

No.

Barbara never called except for on birthdays and holidays.

Karen never asked how things were going in her occasional emails.

Aunt Mattie Fae came by now and then, and both she and Violet would bitch and complain, but her mom’s sister never offered any kind of help.

Uncle Charlie at least asked once in a while if she needed anything, but Mattie Fae would snap at him not to get involved, starting an argument between the two.

Only one had offered to help, to really help, and that was her cousin, Little Charles, but Ivy always assured him she could handle it.

Charles wasn’t dumb, nor was he slow, he’d just had his self-confidence beaten down to nothing by his mother since he was a little kid. Some of the things Mattie Fae said to him… Ivy had felt so bad for him when they were little kids that she found an excuse to come over and just hang out with him whenever she could. She still felt bad for him, hence why they regularly got together to just watch movies or go out to lunch. He was really the closest friend she had, both knowing each other’s problems and not trusting any stranger with what went on in their family, the emotion abuse both sustained over the years in varying degrees.

Hell, it was a miracle that he’d finally moved out of his house two years back at the age of thirty-four, that’s how much confidence he lacked in himself. Lord knows he didn’t have the financial means to live on his own, but Charlie had set up a savings account for him when Charles was little so there was a substantial amount of money for rent on the tiny apartment he lived in, and Charlie regularly put money into the account every month for him too. The odd job Charles had now and then helped a little, but for so many reasons he was unable to stay employed for very long, so he still had to rely on his father for help.

Dear God, if Mattie Fae ever found out that Charlie was regularly giving Charles money she’d go off the deep end for sure.

It was shocking that Mattie Fae hadn’t realized where her son got the money to move out in the first place. Last she checked, the excuse Charles and his father had given Mattie Fae was that Charles had simply saved a majority of the money he made from the various jobs he’d had over the years. As for how he was able to keep up with the rent, no matter how cheap, well, the excuses varied by Charlie was usually able to change the subject fast enough to avoid putting Charles on the spot.

With so much to deal with from his mother alone along with his financial stress, Ivy didn’t want to burden him with her mother’s problems too, let alone her own.

Given that her family wasn’t as tight knit as most played a part in why she drank so much last night and why she’d decided not to tell anyone that her doctor told her over the phone yesterday that she had cervical cancer, and no one needed to know that she had another appointment tomorrow to discuss how to proceed.

Everything had changed in the blink of an eye – one day she was healthy, the next day she had cancer.

All she wanted to do was lay in bed and cry, to let it all sink in, but she couldn’t do that. No, instead of doing that, she was standing in front of her mirror trying to cover the dark circles under her eyes and the fact that she had been crying with some makeup that she barely ever wore. The only reason she was doing this was because she’d already made plans with Charles to watch some movies today since it was his day off – he’d finally gotten a job at a shoe store here in town.

If she called and canceled their plans he would think he’d done something to upset her. She didn’t want him to think that when he didn’t do anything wrong – he never did anything wrong.

So, she would put on a brave face for Charles’ sake and watch a few movies with him before she made them both something for dinner.

Looking at the clock, Ivy sighed when she saw that it read 3:52pm.

They didn’t live in the same apartment building since the rent in her building was higher than he could afford even with his dad’s help. Instead, he lived on the opposite side of town where the rent was more realistic for people with a very limited income. Walking from his place to hers would take somewhere between twenty to thirty minutes, and whenever they did get together they would often just walk so that she wouldn’t waste money on gas or so he wouldn’t have to wait around for the bus, but since it was pouring down rain outside he would be taking the bus.

They’d planned to meet at her place at 4:00pm, but he always left early.

Chances were he’d probably be at her door any minute now.

She turned her attention to her reflection.

The makeup didn’t do a bit of good.

She still looked like she was hung-over and then some, and she hadn’t even bothered to change out of her black sweatpants and green tank-top that doubled as her pajama shirt.

Oh well. She would just have to tell him she’d had a migraine during the night and didn’t get much sleep. She did get migraines once in a while.

As if he knew she was thinking about him, there was a knock on her door and she didn’t have to think twice about who it was.

With a deep sigh, she tucked a wavy lock of dark brown hair behind her ear and left the bathroom to answer the door.

Sure enough, when she opened it she saw Charles standing on the other side dressed in a dark brown jacket, gray t-shirt, and jeans with a welcoming smile, auburn hair drenched from the rain and partially in his eyes, and despite the chaos in her head her breath caught at that smile.

It was inappropriate in so many ways, but cousins or not, she wasn’t blind to how attractive Charles was, though he hadn’t always been that way. He was one goofy looking kid and stayed that way for the longest time, and for the longest time he’d been so _short_. When she was fifteen and he was thirteen, she was a good six inches taller – she’d always been tall. It wasn’t until he was about fifteen or sixteen that he started growing until he finally stopped at 6’0ft when he was nineteen, finally having a good few inches of height on her, and at about that time he stopped looking so goofy. If anything, age did him good, and now at thirty-six he was downright handsome with his sharp cheekbones, auburn hair that worked so well with his incredibly light blue eyes, and that smile… the way he smiled in his shy kind of way was enough to make her heart flutter, a feeling so very inappropriate for a cousin to feel.

But then that smile dimmed once he really took in her appearance.

“You okay?” he asked, concern evident in his voice.

She nodded, giving him the most reassuring smile she could muster. “Yeah, just had a rough night.”

Walking inside when she motioned for him to come in, taking off his jacket and hanging it up beside the door, he said, “I can go home if you want so you can sleep.”

She was half tempted to tell him that would be for the best, but she wouldn’t make him leave when he always looked forward to seeing her… when she always looked forward to seeing _him_. Of everyone, whether they be friend or family, he was the only one she could count on, who she really trusted.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. Jokingly, she added, “Just don’t be surprised if I doze off during a movie.”

He only smiled a little, not really buying her excuse but not calling her out on it. “So… what’d you wanna watch first?”

Ivy shrugged. “Whatever you want to watch is fine with me. Like I said, I might doze off here and there.”

“I don’t wanna keep ya awake if you’re tired, Ivy. I can leave.”

“No, I… I want you to stay,” she insisted, and honestly now that he was here she didn’t want him to leave. She didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts.

“Okay,” he said with a nod, still uncertain about staying, if how he stared at the ground and shifted from foot to foot said anything about it. “Well, uh… I’ll find us somethin’ to watch, I guess.”

She nodded, worrying on her lower lip, and she watched him walk over to her movie case that consisted of every movie known to man – what could she say, she loved movies and so did Charles. Actually, it was _their_ movie case, if she wanted to be technical about it. Sometimes he brought movies over and left them there so they could watch them another day, and by this point she probably had all of his DVDs and Blu-rays while all that was his place were mostly TV seasons.

The silence lingered too long and the longer it went on the more her emotions and thoughts threatened to take over. She couldn’t lose it in front of him, she just couldn’t.

She needed some air.

“I’ll make some popcorn and get us something to drink. Coke?” she asked, already heading out of the living room.

“Sure.”

While Charles rummaged through her movie case, Ivy hurried into her kitchen to put a bag of popcorn in the microwave, thankful for the few minutes she would have to herself. She didn’t want him to leave, but she hated that he knew something was up and that she was making him uncomfortable by thinking that he was keeping her awake when she wanted to sleep. Here she was, not wanting to make him think he’d done something wrong, and he was uncomfortable because she was uncomfortable.

As it was, the silence along had begun to cause her thoughts of cancer to return in force, the fear and panic, and she needed to brace her hands on the counter and take a few deep breaths.

The microwave beeped suddenly, startling her to the point where she actually jumped.

“Christ, get a grip, Ivy,” she mumbled, taking the bag out of the microwave and dumping it into a large bowl before getting two sodas out of the fridge, one diet coke and one regular coke – she drank diet, but she kept regular coke around because of Charles.

With the bowl in one hand and holding the two cans in her other, she walked back into the living room where Charles was kneeling beside the TV.

He held up the movie he’d found. “This all right?”

Ivy nodded, barely glancing at the movie to see what it was. It was some comedy, she knew that much from the cover.

Her reaction wasn’t as enthusiastic as he’d expected, and he hesitated, looking from her to the movie until his sighed and put the disk in, joining her on the couch a second later.

Neither said anything else once the movie started, and Charles was the only one eating the popcorn while Ivy did little more than sip her soda. She really wasn’t paying attention to the movie, and neither was Charles if she had to guess. He kept shifting on the couch, glancing at her, offering her some of the popcorn that she kept refusing, and there were parts in the movie where they should have both been laughing but neither ever did.

At some point during the movie, Ivy grew increasingly uncomfortable, her thoughts of having cervical cancer returning, eating away at her resolve until her heart started pounding in her chest. What she needed to do was scream… just scream and get it all out or cry until she couldn’t cry anymore, one or the other, maybe even both. Charles didn’t need that kind of drama though, so she bit her lip in an attempt to keep it all bottled up, her teeth digging in to the point where she thought she might draw blood, and her blunt nails bit into the palm of her hand.

Charles nudged her shoulder with his, and she looked at him, his blue eyes shining with unmasked concern. “Ivy, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she lied. “Everything’s fine.”

“… It’s… it’s just that you’re quiet,” he explained, going on as if he hadn’t heard her. “You’re never this quiet, always tellin’ me about your day or somethin’. And… well, you’re just not actin’ like yourself.”

“Charles,” Ivy sighed.

“Are you sick? If you’re sick I can get you somethin’. You can go back to sleep and I’ll get you somethin’.”

“Charles,” she tried again, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

“You get migraines, right? Was it a migraine? They got somethin’ for those at the drug store, don’t they? I’ll get you some medicine. It’s no problem –”

“Stop, Charles!” she snapped sharply.

He flinched as if she struck him, and she felt just awful for raising her voice like that.

Bringing her hand to her mouth, chewing her thumbnail, she shook her head, praying that she wouldn’t start crying. “I’m sorry, Charles, I didn’t mean to be so harsh. I just… it’s all good, okay? I’m all good.”

Charles chewed at the inside of his cheek, still wounded by her snap.

Still, he pressed on, too worried about her to leave it alone and he readjusted himself on the couch so that he was facing her, sitting very close. “You know that if somethin’s wrong you can tell me, right?”

Swallowing, she nodded.

She could tell him anything.

“I mean… I tell you stuff and you don’t tell anyone. I trust you with secrets… you’re the only one I trust with _anything_.” Hesitant, unsure, he asked, “Do you trust me, too?”

A single tear managed to fall and she nodded again. “Yeah.”

“If somethin’s wrong, you can tell me,” Charles urged again. “You tell me somethin’s wrong and I’ll help, or… or you can tell me everything’s okay and I’ll shut up. I’ll shut up and I won’t bother you any more, I promise.”

Her throat constricted to the point where she wasn’t sure she could talk if she wanted to, her resolve damn near gone by this point.

Mattie Fae’s cruelty should have hardened him, should have made him mean or something. But Charles wasn’t like that. He was the sweetest, kindest, gentlest man she knew. He didn’t speak ill towards anyone, not even his own mother when she deserved anything he had to say against her.

If he promised not to bring it up again if she told him she was okay, he would keep his word and keep his mouth shut. Knowing that, she wanted to tell him she was fine so that she wouldn’t put her burden on his shoulders.

“Ivy?” he started after she remained silent for too long, but she didn’t look at him. He sighed then and so very gently he brought his hand to her cheek and urged her to look at him. Her heart broke at his pleading expression even as his thumb moved against her cheek soothingly. “Are you okay?”

Her will snapped, tears spilling down her cheeks and against his hand, and she shook her head, unable to get the words out that she wasn’t okay.

Charles pulled her to him immediately, securing his arms around her tightly as she sobbed into his shoulder, his hand moving up and down her back in a soothing manner. He didn’t saying anything, just let her cry.

“I…” she choked on a sob that rose from her as she tried to explain what was wrong. “I’m…”

“Shh,” he hushed gently. “S’okay, no rush. Tell me when you’re done.”

She shook her head, knowing that if she didn’t tell him now she might lose her nerve altogether. “I had to have a… a biopsy the other day because my annual exam didn’t come back quite right.”

“What do you mean it didn’t come back right?” he asked, his concern heightening. “What kinda exam was it?”

“The personal kind.”

He didn’t get it right away, judging from how quiet he was, but then it clicked and she swore that his entire body turned warm with embarrassment. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” she sniffled, tears soaking through his shirt. “The doctor called me yesterday, and…”

She didn’t even know how to say it.

“Ivy, you’re scarin’ me.”

Sniffling, hands fisting in his shirt, she murmured into his shoulder, “I’ve got cervical cancer, Charles.”

“Ivy…” Charles breathed in pained disbelief, holding her tighter. “I’m sorry. Are you… the doctor can fix it right? I mean, they caught it early enough didn’t they?”

She nodded. “Yeah, yeah, he said they did.”

He sighed, resting his chin atop her head. “Who else knows?”

“No one. I didn’t even want to tell you, Charles. You don’t need this kind of drama.”

A little stung, he said, “I can handle it, you know I can.”

“It has nothing to do with whether or not you can or can’t, I just…” she sighed, searching for the right words. “I didn’t want you to worry.”

“I don’t mind worryin’ about you,” he stated sincerely. “Not that I want anythin’ to go on that I gotta worry about you, but… I mean to say that I’d rather know what’s goin’ on and be worried than not know and be worried, ya know?”

Touched, she nodded. “Yeah… yeah, I know.”

She worried about him a lot to because of his mother and, well, just because of everything. He was the only one she really liked to worry about.

Threading his fingers through her naturally wavy hair, he asked, “You gonna tell anyone else?”

Ivy shook her head. “Mom’s got her own problems. As for my sisters… they can’t even be bothered with Mom’s mouth cancer. No point telling them that I’ve got cancer too. You won’t tell anyone, right?”

“I won’t tell a soul, I promise,” Charles reassured her, and she believed him.

How long they stayed like that in each other’s arms was beyond her, but eventually she yawned, exhausted from everything that was going on.

“Why don’t you get some sleep, Ivy?” Charles suggested quietly.

That sounded like a good idea, but the notion of being alone made her uneasy. “Would you mind stayin’ with me for a while?”

“I’ll stay all night if you want.”

“Well, I’ve gotta get up early tomorrow. I’ve got an appointment to… to go over my options. You might hear my alarm if you stay.”

“That’s fine. I’ll go with you.”

“No, Charles,” Ivy started, sitting up and wiping her eyes but staying close to him, not wanting to leave the comfort of his embrace fully. “I’d love for you to stay the night, but don’t have to come. I can handle it on my own.”

“But you’re not on your own with this, Ivy. I’m here for you,” Charles insisted, making her smile a little. “I… I can drive you to and from, you don’t have’ta do anything.”

Contrary to what everyone believed, Charles did in fact know how to drive and had his license, but he only ever drove if Ivy were in the car with him and only Ivy. Anyone else, he said, made him way to anxious and he wasn’t comfortable driving by himself. So, her helping him learn and letting him drive her car whenever they went anywhere together was their little secret.

“Charles…”

“Please, Ivy,” he practically begged, near tears himself. “Please, let me help. You don’t have to be alone in this.”

He was probably the only person on the planet to ever tell her that.

Too tired to argue further, both physically and emotionally, and not even really wanting to tell him no again, Ivy conceded with a nod.

Relieved that she wasn’t putting up a fight and would let him help, Charles leaned forward and kissed the top of her head, the kiss lingering a little longer than it probably should have. “I’ll stick with ya no matter what, Ivy, every step of the way, I promise.”

Warmth filled her heart, easy some of her fears, and she leaned against him, loving him all the more. No one else would put up this much of a fight just to stay by her side, and that alone meant more to her than he would ever know.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Charles sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office, impatiently tapping his foot, nervously picking at a thread on his brown t-shirt – he had a change of clothes in Ivy's apartment. Arriving at the doctor's office about an hour ago, Ivy had insisted that she wanted to talk to her doctor alone since the topic might get a little personal since the cancer was in a _very_ personal place. He'd wanted to be with her the whole time, to hold her hand, but she was adamant that she wanted the conversation to be between her and her doctor alone, claiming that she'd feel too awkward having a guy in the room.

So here he sat for nearly an hour, waiting for Ivy.

She was going to be okay.

Everything was going to be perfectly fine.

Well, maybe not _perfectly_ , but she'd be okay.

She had to be okay.

Of everyone in his life, Ivy was the only one who was always there for him, who never judged him and let him be himself.

Back when he was a kid, he'd been the punching bag for more than a few bullies in school, and when he got home he had to deal with the emotional beating from his mother. Life had been hell, plain and simple, but Ivy had a way of making it all a little better by coming to his house back then just to say hi or to get him out of the house once she got her license at sixteen. They would just go for a drive or to a movie, anywhere, but even just sitting in the car with her in a parking lot was fine with him because he simply enjoyed her company, and she always said that she enjoyed his.

Ivy had to deal with the constant belittling of her own mother, Violet. She was always being told that she looked like a lesbian, that she dressed like a boy, or told that she didn't have the ambitions and drive her sisters had. One day Violet would call Ivy the prettiest of her sisters, and the next day she'd call her Plain Jane and then some, but Ivy… she just shook off the insults. She took it all and didn't let it faze her though, not really. She confided in him once when she was twenty-eight and he was twenty-six that Violet's biting tongue got to her more than she let on, but that there was little more that she could do than to grit her teeth and bare it because she had to stay in the area… that she couldn't leave.

Never did she tell him why she couldn't leave, only that it would be best if she stayed.

Regardless, Ivy stuck around and worked at Tulsa collage, helping out her ungrateful parents when her sisters had long since moved out of state. And whenever she and Charles weren't busy they could always be found together. They were each other's safe haven, and just like she'd always been there for him, it was his turn to be there for her.

Of course, he had always been there for her even if he was a screw up and didn't do a lot right, but she didn't seem to mind his flaws. She always called him her best friend. Coming from anyone else, he would say they were lying just to make him feel wanted, but coming from her he knew it was the truth.

He was Ivy's best friend, and she most definitely was his.

She was more than a best friend, really, more than a cousin…

"Charles?"

He jumped in his seat, startled, and looked up to find Ivy standing there a little shell shocked and definitely drained emotionally.

Charles stood immediately. "How did it go?"

She glanced around at the people in the waiting room, and asked, "Can we talk in the car?"

Nodding, Charles walked with her out of the building, hating the silence and itching for answers but understanding that she didn't want to discuss things in front of strangers.

The car was parked near the front and was hardly a long walk, but it seemed to take hours just to reach it. He opened the passenger side door for her – he always opened doors for her – and let her get in first before walking around to get into the driver's seat.

Slipping the key into the ignition, he turned on the engine, then switched off the radio and cranked up the AC – it was in the high eighties outside today, incredibly humid because of yesterday's storm. But he didn't start driving. Instead, he kept it in park and turned slightly in his seat so he was facing Ivy a little better.

The silence dragged on for a few seconds with Ivy scraping her thumb nail against her jeans absently.

Reaching for her, Charles gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, getting her attention. "What'd the doctor say?"

She released a weary sigh, and replied, "Well, she gave me a few options, all having different side effects, outcomes, and all. Chemo was one option obviously, but Mom's on chemo and it's not going so well for her. Besides, there's a chance it'll work and a chance it won't, so I pretty much turned that idea down on the spot before she could waste her breath on it. After that she told me I could try radiation, a mix of different treatments, or I could do one of a few types of surgeries, one of which is a hysterectomy."

"A hysterectomy… that's a type of surgery where you, uh…" His cheeks heated up at the thought, and he continued uncomfortably, "That's where you have all your, uh… lady parts removed, right?"

She laughing nervously, amused by his reaction despite the seriousness of the situation. "More or less, yeah. There's a couple different types of hysterectomies, but the one we were talking about involves removing basically everything. It would pretty much guarantee that we get rid of it before my health is really at risk. But considering how early it is, she… insisted that I think about other treatments that are less life changing."

He frowned. "Life changing? What do you mean? I would think that gettin' rid of it altogether would be the best thing to do."

Letting her head fall back against the seat, she looked at him sadly. "If I get a hysterectomy, I'll never be able to have kids."

Oh…

Charles didn't know what to say, suddenly the decision a little less easy, less clear.

"Kids weren't exactly at the forefront of my mind," Ivy continued quietly. "But to not have the option anymore?" She just shook her head, unable to form words on the matter.

He'd never really thought about it before, but thinking about it now he was sure that she'd be a great mom. She was thoughtful and compassionate, nothing like the rest of her family, and she would dote on any kid she had. It wouldn't have the same upbringing she did, wouldn't be belittled or anything.

Licking his dry lips, he murmured brokenly, "I… I don't know what to tell you, Ivy. I don't know what to say to make this any easier for you... to make it better."

She gave him a small, sweet smile as she raised her hand to hold his on her shoulder. "It's okay, Charles. I'm not expecting you to say anything that can fix this."

"I just… I just wish there was more I could do."

"You being here right now is more than enough," she assured him, smile never faltering.

His cheeks heated up a little, and he swore he didn't know what he'd ever done to make her feel that way about him just being there.

Taking a shaky breath, sniffling a little, she said softly, "I decided to have the hysterectomy. Kids would be great, but I'm not married and I'm not exactly young anymore, and there are other options like adoption or just being a foster mom, so… I guess I'd just rather get rid of it and be healthy than go through hell to maybe get rid of it. We went ahead and scheduled the operation for this coming Monday."

"Five days from now?"

"Yeah, she said that whatever I was going to do it had to be done as soon as possible. She wanted it to be done on Friday, but I told her that I needed time to make some phone calls and just... prepare."

He wouldn't tell her, but realistically he was relieved that she was going to have surgery. He didn't want to see her go through chemo or radiation only to have it come back and get sick again. More than anything, he wanted her to get better as soon as possible, he wanted her perfectly healthy.

"We'll get through this together, Ivy," he reminded her gently. "I'm here for you every step of the way."

"That's good, because she also said that I'm going to need a ride after my surgery and that someone should stay with me for a while after. I told her that I had you to look out for me if you were still up to the job," she said.

"I'm up for it," he insisted with a quick nod. "I told you, you're not gonna go through this alone."

"It's not going to be easy, Charles," Ivy pointed out seriously. "I'm going to be a mess for anywhere from six to eight weeks."

"Doesn't matter. I promised you that you weren't gonna be alone and I meant it. Just tell me what I gotta do and I'll do it. I won't screw up, I promise."

She reached over and pressed her hand to his cheek lovingly, making his cheeks flush and his heart race. "I know you won't screw up, Charles. You couldn't screw anything up if you tried."

He snorted, looking down. "Mom doesn't thinks so. Far as she's concerned... I'm a loser."

"Well, Mattie Fae is a moron for thinking so little of you," she snapped. "You've always done right by me, and you are most definitely _not_ a loser, Charles."

He just nodded, not quite believing her, but it sounded nice all the same.

Giving her a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, he squeezed her shoulder one last time before turning in his seat to put on his seat belt and take them back to her place. She took the hint and didn't argue, putting on her belt as well and aiming the air vents her way as he started driving.

At some point, Ivy reached for his hand on the steering wheel and interlaced their fingers.

He glanced at their joined hands, his other staying tight on the steering wheel.

Whenever one or both of them needed silent comfort, they held each other's hand. Perhaps it wasn't appropriate for cousins to do, but neither said anything against it, never voiced any discomfort or awkwardness, not anything.

It was just something they did, and only they understood the meaning such a simple gesture had for them.

* * *

Falling onto her couch, Ivy sighed.

She just finished talking with some people at Tulsa about why she was going to be taking an extended leave of absence. They were pretty understanding, especially when she told them why, and offered her their prayers and whatnot that sounded a little empty to her ears. She felt guilty for calling off at the last minute like this – she rarely ever took a sick day unless she had a fever or was contagious. It was hardly something she could have predicted, but still, she didn't like doing it.

All in all, it had been a long, stressful day.

After talking with the doctor and opting for a hysterectomy, she and Charles started back to her apartment when he suddenly announced that he'd just start staying at her place for a while starting now, and he made a U-turn to his place to pack up some things.

She protested for only a minute before caving in. It was more realistic for him to just stay with her until she was completely healed after the surgery as opposed to making him go back and forth from his apartment to hers every day, and since it was only five days until the operation there was no reason for him not to go ahead and move into the spare bedroom. She swore he packed his whole apartment into her car, and honestly he may have since he didn't have very much. The only thing he hadn't brought was his piano – a grand piano keyboard that Charlie had bought for him last Christmas, much to Mattie Fae's dismay due to the cost.

Tomorrow after she picked him up from work, she told him they could put it into her car and bring it back with them, and he beamed when she told him that.

Charles was the least confident man she knew thanks to his mother, but when he played the piano he was utterly at peace, a serene look always on his face. Playing the piano, she knew, was one of the very few things he was confident that he could do well and he took pride in knowing that he'd taught himself to play. In all honesty he could probably find a job playing the piano if he wanted to, he was that good, and he could write some really nice songs, but he just wasn't confident enough to play in front of anyone but her, sometimes in front of his dad if he was talked into it, but _never_ for his mother.

One time when they were in their twenties, he got up the courage to play a song he wrote for Mattie Fae. It was sweet and touching, and something Ivy didn't think Mattie Fae deserved. He played it with Ivy standing nearby for moral support, and it had been beautiful, something that would make any normal mother cry happy tears.

But Mattie Fae?

Mattie Fae scolded him, told him that his playing sounded like a dying fog horn and that the lyrics he sang didn't even rhyme. And his singing voice, something Ivy personally adored? That nasty woman told him that he made a debarked Chihuahua sound like an angel.

Charles didn't play a single song for the longest time after that, and it took Ivy telling him that she missed his music for him to play her something. Since then, he really only played for her, and he most definitely only sang for her.

A soft smile found its way to her face, thinking about how he only played for her, how he only put his heart into playing when he played for her. Every time he played, her heart would flutter in a way that made her whole body warm, would make her want to inch a little closer while he played, but once he stopped the trance would be broken and she would feel so guilty for reacting to her _cousin_ in such a way.

When exactly had she fallen in love with Charles?

Ivy wasn't really sure, but it was years ago and happened so naturally that she couldn't pinpoint the exact date. Sometimes she wanted to tell him that she loved him – really loved him – but she couldn't do that to him. Despite how wonderfully sweet he was, he would think she was disgusting for feeling what she did and would then blame himself like he always did and would think he'd done something to lead her on or whatever. In his mind, it wouldn't be her fault for falling for him, it would be his.

She couldn't do that to him, not when he already thought so little of himself.

Footsteps broke her from her thoughts and she looked over to find Charles walking in from the hall.

"All moved in?" she asked.

"Yep," he replied with a nod, shifting from foot to foot slightly. "Do you, uh… do you need me to do anything?"

"No, I'm fine."

"You sure? I can make you something to eat. I can't really cook, but you've got a pizza in the freezer that I can put in the oven or something."

She shook her head. "I'm fine, Charles."

"How 'bout a movie or TV? Do you wanna watch something? Whatever you want."

He really was the sweetest man she knew.

No matter the situation, other's came first, and she came before everyone else. No one, not even her parents, friends, or ex-boyfriends ever put her first.

If she asked for him to do something, he'd do it, and if he didn't know how to he would go online and learn how to do it. Now, if only he believed that she'd do the same for him.

It broke her heart, but sometimes she swore he believed that she was only being nice, that she wouldn't do whatever it took to make him happy. Ivy would do whatever it took to make Charles smile.

Rising from the couch with a sigh, an affectionate smile on her face, she allowed herself one thing and walked over to him, curling her arms around his torso and resting her head on his shoulder. "How 'bout a hug?"

"I can do that," he said with a smile in his voice, arms going around her immediately and holding her to him, swaying slightly like he always did when he held her.

No other man had ever held her the way he did, so gently and lovingly, and despite how nice it was an ache settled in her heart.

Whatever she wanted…

If only.

 


End file.
